Abrazame Y Muerdeme

counting

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:22:12 GMT

35 weeks and 4 days.
Im starting to get backaches. Which I just found out are called "contractions".
I am getting cramps like the ones u get when u r on yr period just a lil stronger.
I can't get outta bed easily. I am not lying.
Everyone keeps asking if I am scared. OF COURSE I am scared. My vagina is gonna open!
And call me selfish but I really hope baby dylan is born before december ends.
Because of tax reasons. I can claim him and since I've claimed 0 all year.. Ill be getting $$.

So, I want labor to be unexpected. Because I don't want to be with the thought "its getting closer to my due date I can pop soon"
Another thing, why do women! Who have been preggo before say "damn u r fat" "damn u r about to pop"
I am not exaggerating but I am not self conscious. I've only gained 13 pounds. And im on my last month.
But when they say those things it makes me uncomfortable. And I say "thanks a lot" they said "no I am just saying yr belly is fat" uhh. Ok? That's supposed to make it better. I wish I could slap them and tell them "bitch I got an excuse what's yrs?"
I bought the crib and I got a free mattress from my cousin. I am waiting for my bedding to arrive. I bought him some baby looney tunes. I haven't received it, yet. I wanted the baby mickey mouse bedding but I couldn't find it anywhere. They just have big mickey mouse.
Omg I just realized what the hell? My entries from a few months ago were about clubbing, drinking, and my bf of the week. Now its about the crib bedding I have researched online for days but could not find? I am growing up!

my boss wants me to keep working doing planos for another week. My last day is supposed to be this friday. And I am so ready to start my vacation of 6 months.
I haven't gotten on light duty. Sitting my ass on a chair answering phones. Today after standing for 4 hrs my back was killing me, imagine another week for 8 hrs?

31 WEEKS PREGNANT

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:04:36 GMT

9 more weeks to go. Scared? Yes?
I've heard a lot of negative things about the epidural that I don't want to risk it and be another one of those womens that end up having backaches for the rest of their lives. So I am planning on having natural birth if possible. But who knows maybe at the end ill be crying and demanding for the shot.
Last weekend on the 7th my friends from work had a baby shower for me. It was not a lot of people just people from work, it was fun though. Guys were actually playing the games, measuring my stomach and drinking vodka outta baby bottles.
This weekend that just passed my dad, mom and carlos threw a surprise baby shower for me. It was sweet. I was just standing there in the middle of the crowd surprised of course and with watery eyes. This one was with family
The WEIRD Thing is that my dad did EVERYTHING! He was according to me "at work" while mom was at home mydad cut vegetables and cooked. Set up everything chairs, tables, etc. Oh I forgot to mention it was at my aunts house in the valley. The other surprise was my tio papes, tia rosalba, cousin juan, and cousin fabiola came from gridley, which is about 7-8 hrs away from l.a. They came just for my baby shower. How nice. I received a lot of baby clothes. Al I need is a crib, a car seat, and the strollers. Of course I need lil things here and there but I got the most important things.
Sometimes I get depressed when I am driving down the street listening to the music they played at the club. My addiction. I think how I can't get "drunk as fuck", come home at 10 am the next day or not come home at all. Go where ever I wanted. I didn't have to worry that someone at home was waiting for me to be taken care of by me.. Waiting to see me.
But when I feel my baby kick or just spin around in my belly I forget about all that and feel this urge to see him.
Is he gonna have curly hair like me and carlos? Is he gonna have our color eyes cus me and carlos have light brown eyes. What about his eyelashes? R they gonna be big? Like ours? And I do hope he does not have his nose!
I don't wanna be a bad mom and be like those moms who leave their babies anywhere just to go out and be at the party of the week. Get trashed.. And pick up their baby the next day whenever they wake up.

Anyway, Carlos now lives with me. We hace a married life where we pay rent and worry about having enough for next week's bill.
It sucks growing up.
For my bday I had a dinner.
Its amazing how when u have get togethers u realize who is yr friend.
I think about inviting them because to me they r important persons in my life. I take the time to invite them and give them the address, double check if they received it.
Some excuses they give me are the worst. Just because they don't like a person who I am going with, because they don't like that person's house, because its too crowded. Or because they just simply don't wanna go.
People are selfish and don't deserve my friendship.
Do u remember yr moms saying "no hay mejores amigas tu unica amiga soy yo"
It is not being "sentida" it is realizing that I shouldn't put any effort into certain friendships or maybe it is just growing up.
I prob. Don't make sense.

Ok enough of my ranting.
Next month I go on disability dec. 20th will be my last day of work. I need to get on disability now. This backache is killing me!

9 more weeks.
Jan. 17th. My baby is supposed to be here.

I hardly update because I don't have internet and I gotta type on the sidekick my life story.
Too much

Kk till nextttttt update.
Maybe later when/if I have the time or internet or computer, lol, I will post pictures of me and my belly.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:52:56 GMT

I am having a BOY!!!!!!
He is gonna be bettys lil baby's bf!

So any name suggestions!
Don't come up with
JOSE
JUAN
PORFIRIO
ALBERTO.. TYPE OF NAMES.
I want original names.. I can't think of any.

ULTRASOUND

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:25:31 GMT

Ch1cks0nspeed: I thought u werrre happy wiffff him
tox ic f x ck: I was
tox ic f x ck: but thjat was when we didn't have responsibilites

well yes. that's my dilemma.

got my first ultrasound.
I am officially 9 Weeks and 3 days.

doesn't he/she look like me.. uh okay no
I can't even tell what's what. the u/s guy was just like BLAH. said yr done .. and this is for you. wtf? I DON'T LIKE HIM.
I mean I get the lil circle around cuz of the movie "Knocked Up"
but didn't even show me the lil heart. The nurse yesterday did show me but i couldn't see it.

MMM...

Fri, 29 May 2009 02:52:33 GMT

Me and CARLOS are PREGNANT!
I am almost 7 weeks. It is confirmed. I didn't wanna say anything sooner. cus of last time... but I can't help it. I am a chismosa at heart.

at first I was confused and I am not gonna lie. I was in my room crying because I thought my life was over. I even thought... about other alternatives. But the truth is I don't think I have the ovaries to do it again. Carlos seems so happy. Ever since I met him he has told me that he wants a baby and have a family of his own.

I am making my first appointment by the end of this week. We will see how it goes.
I already told my mom and she is like "BLAH" about it. I don't think she is happy for me. she seems indifferent. Maybe cuz she isn't to fond of carlos.
my dad.. well I am waiting till I am over 3 months to tell him. I AM SO SCARED of him.

anyway, so i've been working overnite and overtime. I am soooo SOO soo SOO tired of this schedule. I mean I am exhausted. i work 10-12 hrs a day ALL the time. its been 3 weeks and tonite is the last DAY. thank geebus.
.. that's it. im done.

L;KASD

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 03:34:36 GMT

I got my internet back.
I am so broke.
I got the hospital bills, ambulance bills, credit card bills, everything bills.
I am getting like 16 hrs a week at work.
it just isn't working. Oh to top it all off we (carlos and I) lost both of our phones the same nite. I lost my i.d. and the rent $$$ so uh.. yeah the same nite. there went my whole check.

so I am stressed out.

anyway, still w, carlos. broccoli head carlos.

oh yah I need to go back to the doctor's next month to see if everything is all right. after all that stuff.

I have nothing to say. blah

Just that I am still alive.

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:01:59 GMT

I AM 21!

AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY!
I GOT DRUNK AND PASSED OUT AT THE CLUB AFTER 1 HOUR AND A HALF OF BEING THERE.
AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY I DIDN'T EVEN DRINK I WAS SUPER SOBER.

P.S.
me my mom and carlos are planning on moving out together. we are looking for a job for my mom. then we are out.

AHHH

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:29:48 GMT

I told my mom already.
she said "AY ADDY AND I BET ITS CARLOS'" I was like OH MY GOD PSYCHIC.. she said "you aren't gonna go to school no more, do the things you wanted to do...." I said "I know mom but if other girls can do it I KNOW I CAN DO IT".

Then she started telling me how I should go to a nice hospital like "Kaiser Permanente" and not a regular small clinic. She said its nicer at those places.

We went to the store and she saw some baby bottles on sale and said "LOOOK ADDYYYY FOR YOU" I laughed and said "SHUT UPPP HAHAHAHA"

I AM so glad that she is in this with me. She asked what had Carlos said and I told her what he thought. She didn't say anything but I think she is glad that he is willing to take full responsibility and is planning to start a family... (i mean obviously) well a stable one.

Now we gotta tell my dad, me and Carlos are shitting our pants.

I am getting all my friends' support. I am happy. They know what I have been through and are happy that I am keeping it. I thought they were gonna get upset... cuz they have been waiting for me to turn 21 to be able to go out and party at bars. 21+ clubs... etc. 1 month before and bam! curse.

But overall I am glad my mom is joking about it and supporting me at the same time.

A;LSKDF

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:36:10 GMT

damn! its been long. maybe a month. idk.

k.
- I got shot at in south central. by some djay's from mj's. crazy shit. I've never been so scared in my life. I ended up at carlos' house and he was all worried about me.

- I am pimping it. lol.

- Carlos' called me and he wants me back, but I am not going back. I don't wanna get hurt again. and I'll probably look like a fucken idiot if I did go back with him. He broke up with me because he had another girl and now that things didn't work out with them he is calling back. Well he had already been calling back. It was a sign that he regret breaking up with me.
he begged saying that we've known each other 2 years and that we should get back together cuz we knew each other and I said no. I said "exactly because I know you that's why I don't wanna get back with you". I hope its the right decision. I love him I do but I don't want him near me.

- I have a guy after me but I am not attracted to him and I don't know how to say no to him. He is so sweet but he isn't my type. I know I shouldn't be mean and say no because I am not physically attracted to him but still.

- I went to a big time paisa club. "Potreros!" hahaha dude it was fun. I went out with all my guy friends. they are fun.

- I dyed my hurr dark chocolate brown. I look like ariel's sister ursula.. like zoe once said.

from this

to this.

I am scared because I've never been this dark before. Ever since I was little I had been dying it red. Either burgundy, red, or Penny red like I had it before. ahh.

- I am dating around. Like MOnet said I am being cabrona right now. Not giving a fuck.

- I've been driving drunk lately and I don't like it. =[ I am bad. . i am not completely drunk but I am buzzed, to the point that I shouldn't. eh.

- Oh Did I mention I saw Nigga? well a.k.a. DJ FLEX. It was amazing! ahhh.

- I got the sidekick slide because my sidekick 3 broke and when I called they said that they didn't make that one no more so they were giving me the sidekick slide. the screen is smaller but still. I can send pictures now. yay!

p.s. I am everyone's psychiatrist. Everyone comes to me for advice and to cry about their boyfriend girlfriends. eh. I should get paid for it. don't you think?

I miss monet. hoe!

i am asexual again. haha.

Thu, 22 May 2008 21:34:48 GMT

I am still heart broken. but whatever.

I think about him occasssssssionally. When I am bored. I think. Well actually I only think about him on the weekends! because I always had a place to go on the weekends after dancing.

Is it that what I miss? Because I don't get sad during the weekdays. Well I didn't even talk to him on the weekdays. I just think it was the routine. Okay nevermind let me rephrase that.
(okay I just realized that writing on your journal makes you feel so much better.. Well okay I already knew that but it makes you realize things, like now) Then when I hear all those songs that remind me of him I get sad. But it is like, I hear those songs at the club. I listen to them at home. On my friends' car. Maybe I am just obsessed with the fact that I had a boyfriend and he made me feel good. Because I felt loved. But like Zoe said, I need to stop using other people to feel better. But isn't that love? I mean, its supposed to hurt right. The first week I am not gonna lie I was crying in my room. Something I didn't do when... and I felt like calling him. He called me first then I started telling him how I felt and he cried too. then a week later he has a new gf. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ALKSDJFAF. OKay I should have known that. He once told me that he couldn't be like me, just to be single and fuck around.. and that he HAD to have a girlfriend even though he didn't like her because he felt alone. But I think he broke up with me because he wanted to be with another girl. (okay if anyone is reading this... don't mind me, I jump from one subject to another and then I come back to the beginning and say that same sentence over again) because he was picking fights with me. I went along. I shouldn't have had. or maybe IT WASSSS my fault. because I went to his house drunk and I yelled at him when I saw him outside with two girls. I didn't make a scene. I waited till the girls left.

this past friday was the end. it was like a disaster. I went over to his house and He didn't let me in. he told me "I CAN'T LET YOU IN MY GIRLFRIEND IS HERE" I told him "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I already told you that you could have other girlfriends and I could give a fuck, all I want is to sleep" but he left me to freeeeeeeze outside. Honestly I didn't care at the moment, I just wanted to sleep because it was like 4am. I don't even remember seeing carlos. actually I didn't even look at Carlos. The black screen door didn't let me see him and when I WAS IN THE BACK. he opened the door, my back was facing him and I just told him "PLEASE GO AWAY I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO ME PLEASE DON'T TALK TO ME.. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE" and he did leave. I just remember him saying "QUE PUTAS HACES AQUI?" I just stood there quietly sipping on my sparks and crying. Oscar called me and he picked me up. I bet when Oscar picked me up he thought I was the fugliest girl ever. I woke up with scratches on my leg and with mascara or eye liner on my arm. I had the biggest hangover of the year. throwing up in a lil target bag. which i spilled all over my room.
but hey that didn't stop me from going out saturday. I met a new guy and now I am talking to him. He calls me 24/7 but in a way I miss my old days when I'd go to 'los his house and spend the nite. Maybe I just miss his friendship because we were more like friends rather than girlfriend and boyfriend. Because we didn't go on dates or anything all we would do is go to the clubs drink and go home and fuck. on the weekends. =/ whatever. Karma is a bitch.
I don't think I ever want to hang out with someone so much till I get used to them. Because then it hurts soo much and you mistaken it for love, if it is not. maybe. or whatever. I don't have my emotions clear now. I keep on contradicting myself.

whatever it all could go to hell.
I am back to being a slut.
<33

me and monet.

Thu, 01 May 2008 23:55:50 GMT

My grandma passed away. the one I used to go to every sunday. In the valley. If you knew me. You knew.. SUNDAYS = Addy is at grandma's. WE found out that she had cancer. and they gave her 6 months. If she did chemotherapy she would be able to live up to 2 years. Well I guess it was of no use because my grandma was yellow.. with no hair and she only lived 5 months.

I hated going over. I didn't even go on sundays anymore. Her house was like DEPRESSING. Everyone knew she was going to die. Last time I went to go see her was 2 sundays before she passed away. She told me "ADDY I AM SO GLAD YOU CAME TO SEE ME.. YOU HARDLY COME ANYMORE.. BUT I AM GLAD YOU CAME TO SEE ME" I was like =D. I kept on having dreams that she died and I didn't get to say goodbye. Well last tuesday (4/22) my mom told me she only had a few hours left to live. Right after work I had biviana take me to the valley. While I was on my way.. a few blocks away.. I got this feeling.. my heart started racing. then I got a text from my brother saying "she stopped breathing.. she is gone...". When I got to her house. everyone was there. My mom came running to me as I walked in the living room and she hugged me so tight.. I did too. and she started crying. It was so sad. I saw my grandma laying there. I seriously said to myself, "this ain't my grandma this can't be they switched them". She was so YELLOW, bald, and so skinny like a prune. It looked like she was living but already dead. I can't believe she is gone. I really can't.

they gave me 5 days off from work.. and I spent them at carlos' house. It was big ass drama. But had fun. apparently me and my friends share lovers. ew. Carlos now wants me to move in., well to move into our own place together. Ehh! I was considering it. But now I am like ehhhh I don't want to no more.

p.s. I keep on having dreams about him. That he is looking for me. that he is thinking about me and he wants to know how I am doing.

HAHAHA!

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 01:33:10 GMT

I was reading my old ENTRIES!
oh my god!!!! I was reading the ones from December '03. When Bryan had gone to Utah. How me and Zoe got drunk and talk ONLINE. I guess CYBERDRINK. HA! We talked about our boyfriends. I got really drunk and called Patty for Bryan's cousin's number "Wendy". How I asked her for Willy's number. I called his MOM and asked for Bryan so she could give me Willy's number so I could talk to BRYAN! but I only got cussed out! HAHAHAH Then I told Zoe about it and she wanted to get cussed out so we called his mom again and we laughed about it afterwards. ALSO I felt like throwing up so I opened my window from my room and at the time there were some clothes from some lady that lived in the back and I threw up all over them. HAHAHAH! Also I felt like peeing and (just to let you know my bathroom is right in front of my room) I told zoe "I NEED TO PEE" and she said "then just peeeeeee" so I pulled down my pants and panties and peeing here in my room! HILARIOUS!

back then I couldn't go to my OLD ENTRIES and read because I would start crying. But now I could and I even laugh about it and say "GOOD TIMES.. GOOOOOOD TIMES" with a smile on my face. I feel soo much better now.

Never IN MY LIFE! Would have I thought that I'd be here where I am right now. That I would go to paisa clubs.. that at "LA BOOM" I would meet and fall in love with some 23 year old SALVADORIAN named Carlos that speaks Broken English. Back then I would give anything to spend a whole weekend with Bryan.. and now I spend the night at CARLOS house from Friday to Sunday night, cook together, clean the house together. I mean I still the ride the bus with him but that's my choice. I don't even get the bus HALF the time. When we go out, we get taxis.
I wanted a cell phone, a job, internet, and I always dreamed of having a phone line with MY NAME. Whenever I would call someone for my name to come up above the phone number. AND NOW I have it. Fucken crazy.

Anyway well yes!
I don't want to jinx anything but me and Carlos are doing very good right now. I don't wanna trust him because of our past but, he seems so sincere now. We call each other every day. Even if its for 1 minute. We have different schedules. I work from 5am to 2pm and he works from 3pm to 11:30pm. I work Monday thru Friday and he only has Wednesday and Thursday off. So its hard to see each other. So whenever we get the chance to talk on our breaks/lunches and/or when we go to the bathroom and could get away for 3 minutes we call each other. He surprises me because he was the one that started doing it. He'd call me and say "what are you doing?" I'd say "nothing watching t.v." he says "oh okay I just called you to say I love u... I'll talk to you later I gotta get back to work".. AWWWW. He isn't afraid to have me around in front of his friends! He introduces me to EVERYONE as his "futura" or "my future wife" in english haha!
I am not saying I am the hottest girl but Carlos' best friend forever tried hitting on me. (this friend tried HITTING ME! ONCE AT the night club because I dropped his cocaine when he tried offering Carlos some and well I got mad.. so I dropped it) Well he tried kissing me last weekend when Carlos stopped to get a drink. I felt really bad because I didn't know what to say.. how to react because I used to just make out with anyone at the club but this time I have a boyfriend who I have respected so far and not cheated and I don't WANT TO! not like the ones before. and this was his FRIEND! SO CALLED FRIEND. I told Carlos about it but made him promise me that he wouldn't say anything.
Also his best friend's FRIEND Oscar. The one I mentioned before.. when we got off the car because it was the "square of love" not the triangle of love since all four of us where in the car.. grabbed my snatch. and whispered in my ear how he wanted to be with me and how he was mad that he couldn't kiss me or do "anything" to me because I had a boyfriend. I felt REAL bad. I told Raul about it and he laughed at me about how I had 3 to chose from. HAHAH! true! but whatever.

EW ITS friday and I am surfing the crimson waves! yuck! that sucks ass for me!
I am having dinner with some co workers. He invited me out to dinner and a movie along with Nancy. I feel bad because I always hang out with Carlos. We always go to city walk and watch a movie with Nancy and her husband Neo. Like double date. But tonight I am having dinner and a movie with someone else. I told him about it. Maybe afterwards we could go pick him up at his job and maybe I could spend the night.

p.s.
I promise I am going to eat HEALTHIER!
I feel like I gained weight. maybe I was just pmsing eating CHIPS and soda. ew! and not just diet coke but REGULAR SODA! AHHHHH

We look like shit.. but we were about to take a shower and get ready to go clubbin'

=[

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:33:39 GMT

I am scared. I feel like I am falling for Carlos, everyday. I mean I do deserve to be in love with someone, after EVERYTHING I've gone through. AHHH BUT I am scared. He is the type of guy that wants to marry and have kids and live happily ever after. okay well we all know that's not gonna happen but, before I even started liking him again.. was asking if I wanted to marry him and I'd LAUGH at his face like 'PFFFT YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! WHO WANTS TO MARRY RIGHT NOW SPECIALLY YOU' or 'yeah I'll live with you but you can't get mad when I bring other guys over!'. I even... well had something to do with his friend. Oscar. I used to be at Oscar's house and then go to CARLO'S right after. with a kool aid on my face. I'd have Oscar drop me off and then when Carlos would want to kiss me I'd be like "ew don't kiss me because I just got done with so and so".
But now I regret it. I even said "for all the things that I've done to you and that you probably have no idea I did or you probably do have an idea but you are in denial... I want to ask you to forgive me" He was just like "I understand you. You were probably drunk. We are now together and that's all that matters" (well I wasn't drunk all those times... ehh) I feel real bad.

but Its this wonderful thing that.. I am feeling right now. THIS SUCKS.

=[
Me: ay biviana. Se me hace que ya cai. :( con el cerote de Carlos. Que hago?

Biviana: T dije k estas enamorada

Me: Que pendejo de mi parte. Y al principio yo andaba que "wakalaaaa!!!" que feo. nasty. ni lo queria besar xq me daba asco. Y ahora aqui ando cacheteando banquetas. como estupida. :(

Biviana: asi es l amor t apendeja todita y lo fe lo miras guapo.... ni modo ya t enamoraste d carlitos.

Me: Pues lo bueno que no me detiene de ir a bailar. hahaha

Biviana: Eso si pk si no conkien boya salir a bailar.

oh god that's the only thing I think abouT. DANCING.
plus he is such a nice guy, he waits for me outside the club. Waits for me after all the guys me dieron una agasajada. I am not lying. he LITERALLY waits for me outside. or at home. he waits for me at his house and I just go over there right after the club. spend the night. SIGH SIGH SIGH. I basically live there friday through sunday.

♥ ♥
I am in love.

bleh

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 00:50:46 GMT

I am going to get away from him. I can't do it. I am scared. I don't see the point. Oh well.
His friend pushed me and He didn't do anything. I got crazy at the club. Well I wasn't REAL drunk um. maybe I was, but his friend pushed me. We don't like each other. He tells on me. If I dance with 3 guys. he Runs and tells Carlos that I danced with 4 and that I hooked up and macked it on all 4 of them. He even tells him how I dance... that I dance too "sexy" and I look too "happy" to top it all of. ASSHOLE. But Carlos told me that he asked him to give him the report every nite he sees me. akjsdflkj

but pictures from this weekend.
Me and uhh CARLOS

(carlos' cousin is in the middle... Raul)

UM....

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:42:40 GMT

OKAY I AM BACK!

I didn't have internet. A lot has happened in these two months. or uh 3?

My mom left. She didn't live with me for a while. But she is back. Now My dad kicked her out again. I miss her. When she left. I thought my life was over. I am a very dependent needy person, when it comes down to her. I admit it. I love her. We would eat.. uh sandwiches or beans with tortillas for dinner. HOW SAD.

I have been hanging out with Biviana, a lot lately. We work together. I see her every damn day of the week. I mean seriously. We go to the clubs together. and we only like MJS! but the only difference is that she likes hip hop and I like Reggae Panameno. EH! SO we argue about what room to go to.
She has been seeing Monet's Adrian. From La Boom. It is weird for all of us seeing her with him. I think she really likes Adrian. Me and Nancy even say that it is weird. Biviana gets real drunk. Like me back in the days but she is more violent. I have been at the point where I just want to beat the shit out of her. But I can't. I Haven't been drinking the way I used to. where I am throwing up and having blackouts.
Adrian's friend Tito.. a.k.a. SKELETONEEEEEEE LIKES ME. Ew! fucken salvis.

CARLOS!!!!!!!!!!! THE CAMP BOY. MY EX. I think I am falling for him. After him trying for allllllllll THESE months. I think he finally did it. But not alllll the way because I am still debating if I should just be his girlfriend or not be his girlfriend. The reason for this is because I want to be single and not have any drama with anybody no jealousy, no fights, no "you can't go there because so and so". I like being single. Not worrying about anybody. not spending my $$$ on nobody. But I am liking him. I AM FALLING FOR HIM BIG TIME. It sucks. My life is gonna be OVER! like seriously over! lol. I don't want to start crying all over again cuz of dumb boys.
But he is really jealous he gets jealous over anybody. Well specially Oscar (oscar is one of his crew's member.. cuz they are in a crew and Oscar is in it and I had something to do with him, but I really didn't know it was his friend.... KINDA???) If he hears the name Oscar he will get mad. He throws tantrums, MAKEs drama at the clubs etc. ugh. what to do.

mm, I have a house phone. NEW NUMBER! I have internet now.
I think that is it.
oh wait no.. I had a new coke vendor boyfriend. (okay when I say BOYFRIEND.. it just means someone who is attractive) but AMOS told him That THINGS happened between us. and that according to the coke vendor that he "claimed me" eh. LIE OR TRUTH?

p.s. I wanna move out.

p.s.s. I have time so I am going to write the story behind me and carlos.
I went to la boom with Monet one nite. her first time. She met this guy named Adrian. THe following week we went to la BOOM again. I was looking for adrian and I saw him dancing with this fugly big nosed girl. So I got monet and I went to the dance floor and STARTED dancing next to him and we kept on looking at him. and I was staring at him. So when he was staring at me back! and smiling and he didn't even look at monet, I was like... uhh.. something is wrong. Later that nite. I was real drunk and I told "Adrian" "HEY!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ALLLLL NIGHT LETS GO DANCE!!!!! and I pulled him to the dance floor" the following day.. the same guy calls me and it turned out that he wasn't adrian that he was Carlos.
how cute!

k pictures.
MEET BIVIANA

Biviana and Adrian

Carlos and ME <3333

<33333333

and meeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:33:06 GMT

<333 My attributes. hah. no one knows what i am talking about. just I do. mm.

Dile que me quieres que me amas, diselo mi amoooor.. okay its a song!

SPARKS! zoeeeeeeeeeee

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:29:54 GMT

I don't see CRACK as an ingredient!
but then WHY DO WE FEEL like we are coming down FROM crack.

Sparks is a caffeinated alcohol beverage, one of the first such beverages. Its active ingredients caffeine, taurine, and ginseng are common to energy drinks; however, its additional focus on alcohol is not. Its packaging states a 6% alcoholic content by volume. Its flavor is similar to standard energy drinks such as Red Bull, Monster Energy, and Rockstar, with a tart, sugary taste.

Sparks currently is available in 16oz silver cans with bright orange tops, with a "+" printed near the top and a "-" printed near the bottom, to give the can a battery-like appearance. A diet, or (in keeping with alcoholic beverage industry nomenclature) "Sparks Light", version with a bright blue top, is also produced. A higher alcohol version (7.0%) called "Sparks Plus" is available in both 16oz and 10oz cans and has a black top.

Created by San Francisco-based beverage marketing firm McKenzie River Corporation, early marketing relied on word of mouth primed by giving away large quantities of the beverage. Its critics dislike the high acidity, sweetness, and blatantly artificial flavor. Ironically, fans like the beverage for the same reasons, although the caffeine and high alcohol content, as well as the herbal components, also play a factor. Sparks also has a tendency to change the color of the tongue and teeth temporarily, after consumption of several of these beverages due to FD&C Yellow No.5. In some regions this discoloration is referred to as "Sparks Mouth". The drink caught on within the American hipster community, which has been known for its ironic glorification of several other cheap, low-grade alcoholic beverages.

Nutritional Information

* Energy: 350 Calories (1463 kilojoules)
o from carbohydrates: 188 cal (787 kJ) (54%)
o from alcohol: 161 cal (674 kJ) (46%)
* Total carbohydrates 47 g 16%

Sparks Light (per 12 ounces) 133 Calories 3.3 grams of carbohydrates 0.0 grams of fat

On August 14, 2006, Miller Brewing announced it had completed the purchase of Sparks from McKenzie River Corp. for $215 million cash. Miller had been producing Sparks prior to this purchase.

MMM

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 03:53:14 GMT

Okay, let me start off.. I didn't realize how FAT I was a year ago.
How fat I got over my Bryan break up! haha! how could I let myself go THATTTTTTTTT FAR!
I was looking through some pictures from spring.. summer.. and winter time when I was "seeing" Mario my THUGGISH RUGGISH Boo. But GOD DAMN!
SO apparently ever since I met Joarcy and La Boom, I have been losing weight. At work Jr a "gstl" (guest service team leader) Whom I had been working ever since Day 1 from Target.. noticed. He told me around, lets see.. July? or even earlier. I remember exactly, I was going to the restroom in the front lanes and he stops me and says... "Hey adilene, I just want to ask you? Have you been losing weight?" I in shock! was like "uhhh.. no I don't know I am not in any sort of diet.. but... I guess.. " and he said " you could really tell around yr stomach.. and yr face". Two weeks later Michelle the BIG WHITE GIRL.. who hadn't seen me for 2 days.. (the weekend) said "HEY IT FEELS LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN MONTHS.. YOU LOST WEIGHT! YOU LOOK PALE" and I laughed and said "maybe because I had a hangover this whole weekend" .. then that sameeeeeeeee week a cashier told me (MORE LIKE SHE yelled out) "hey ARE YOU ON A DIET?????" I was so embarrassed but I answered and said "NO".

Jr transfered to the NEW Compton Target Store. He came by yesterday and he stopped like one of those.. "WTF? IS THAT YOU?" I smiled and waved... He came right over and hugged me.. he said "HOW ARE YOU?? HOW ARE THEY TREATING YOU HERE AT TARGET... (then while looking at me from head to toe and right back up) adilene WOW! YOU LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT.. ".. I smiled and said "I know! Now really I am!!!! going to the doctor for that... " and he said "LET ME TELL YOU, YOU LOOK REAL BEAUTIFUL. Keep it up" Omg that made the rest of my life, haha ok jk. but still I was so happy. because he hasn't seen me in 3 months. and if he NOTICES! wow! I felt like I hadn't lose anything. Everyone at work has noticed. I mean they seem me everyday and they are like.. you lost weight. Alfred for god's sake! he told me that in my trainer picture (they have a picture of all the "TRAINERS" on the wall in the office) I look WAY BIGGER. Okay he used "WAY". That made me wanna crawl myself into a oyster. HAHA! how EMBARRASSING!
HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE THAT CHERRY?

anyway, I feel anti social. I don't wanna talk to anybody. My "dancers of the night" bug the shit outta me. its like they have nothing to do. I mean I probably don't either after I come home from work. But the last thing I wanna do is talk to people on the phone. I just wanna rest and watch t.v. or sleep. I am so tired. They call the next day and wanna see me right away. Ugh! make me wonder! Make me wanna talk to you. UGH! they bug. I even have "DON'T ANSWER" under their phone # anddddddd I have special ringtones.. so when I hear that certain "song" I won't run to the phone. OH AND CARLOS. PLEASE give me a break! I don't wanna get back with him! ew!
All I wanna do is go to the clubs and dance. I think that's just the only moment I feel at peace. (unless there is drama) it takes my mind off of WORK! and the rest of the things I gotta do.

pictures.. of this weekend. or last ... not sure.. or both..
meeeeeeeee

k gtg cuz Oscar called me

KIDNAPPED! i am serious i got fucken kidnapped!

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 01:47:16 GMT

I lost weight.
I went a size down.

My stomach is not as flat as I would want it to be.
I am such a loser.
Girls that count calories, eat salads for their MAIN meal, and eat like birds get on my nerves.
& I feel like a hypocrite. Because since uhh. now. People offer me junk food. Chips (bohoo) and I say no. I refuuuuuuuuuuuuse to eat them. I only have one and I feel real guilty. and I am like oh no it has this many calories. I can't! or if someone wants to go have some chinese food.. some HAMBURGERS.. i always cut it in half. Like the other day.. on sunday, Carlos came over and I bought a hamburger and fries.. and I cut the burger in half gave him half and i had the other duh.. and ate SOME fries. I got WATER. because I didn't wanna drink soda. WTF! I am so not like that!!!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna turn into those girls.. that COunt them calories and make themselves throw up if they think they ate too much! nooooooooo.

I can't! Omg, the doctor even told me to keep a journal. Whhhhhat? NO! hell FUCKEN NO! Imagine me! no.

okay ENOUGH! cuz then I am really going to sound like those anorexic and bulimic girls. Or those girls that are addicted to exercising.

Alvin, GOT MAD AT ME. I danced with other guys. omg! did I EVEN MENTION HOW I GOT KIDNAPPED!

okay the story goes like this.. MONET'S boyfriend well not boyfriend but her sancho was seen (by me) with another girl. So we wanted to go over and dance with hotter guys to make him jealous so we went to the club where he is always at. (IT WAS RAINING BY THE WAY) She saw this guy she wanted to dance with and Right next to him was ALVIN! so I ran to him and danced. and WE WERE hitting it off. TILL WE DRANK A LIL too much. Alvin left so I thought he had left me for another girl so I started dancing with another guy. But when I turned around. he was there watching me so I left the guy I was dancing with and went after Alvin. i tapped the back of his head and then grabbed him by his arm. he got super mad. HE thought I had slapped him or hit him on purpose. so he pushes me. I leave. Monet FUCKEN DROPS me. I get mad and yell at her.. cuz it was in front of everyone in the dance floor.. like in front of the TABLES where everyone is sitting at. EEHH. SHe gets all emo so I took her to the dance floor to make her forget about it. and make HER BF jealous.
BUt then she GETS LOST. and LEAVES ME AGAIN. I was there by myself looking for her then I start dancing with another guy. He thinks I am REALLLL DRUNK but I am not. The club is closing so I am here calling Monet, Nancy, PEOPLE! cuz I was by myself. This guy pulls me and I am all trying to talk to Alvin like HEYY.. HELP ME!!! or something. But he pushes me and tells me off cuz he is with another girl.. But he is the only guy I know. so I am like after him and THIS GUY pulls me and says we gotta get out of there. He takes me to his car while I am sitting down I am calling people but then he pushes my legs in and jumps in the car in the back with me and this other guy is driving.. we take off. THey start driving and I am like "noooo wait waiwaiwiwaitt" they drive a wholeeeeeeeeeee block. Like a big block. sorta like From from carson st. to 223rd st. that's how long it was.. they park and I am still trying to get out but they had the doors under the child lock thing so I couldn't get out but they parked on florence and alameda st. where they tried kissing me and getting on top of me. but then I think fast.. and say "OMG I GOTTA THROW UP OPEN THE DOOOOOOR!" cuz it was a nice car.. so they open the door and I FUCKEN RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN back to the club. Like I said IT WAS RAINING. I had a mini skirt, a revealing blouse and I was wearing HEELS!. I don't know how I made it but I did. the guys are behind me chasing me with their car but I am going the opposite direction. I am all telling them off. I am super wet like a WET DOG. I looked like the grudge. I am getting to the club and as soon as I get to the parking lot. I see ALVIN pulling out. I jump in his car and start crying. and TALKING SHIT. Saying how much I hate it when Monet leaves me and how people were trying to rape me. he was ALL MAD AT ME but he still brought me home. I get home and Nancy and Al were waiting for me here. Nancy's phone had died so she couldn't call me she came to my house and asked my mom for my #. cuz Al had a phone. IT WAS SO SCARY! I couldn't believe it! stupid ass guys tried taking me. and I fell for it. I was so SCARED. Guys think that girls at clubs are drunk and would do anything the guys tell them to do. I SO WASN'T! this time I didn't have to call Peter to pick me up.

but I guess this is a lesson!
and Alvin isn't mad at me no more. I felt all bad. JOARCY made me feel like shit on sunday.
I am still working overnight. Tonight is the last "night" thankkkkkk god.

I am ready for this weekend. NO MORE getting kidnapped.
I am getting those random calls again the ones with porn.. etc. what a coincidence. RIGHT when I gave 928374 My # again. I thought I could trust him. ugh! ya se habia tardado.

ok the pictures I said. YES I DO LOOK DIFFERENT! to my lil punker rebel girl days.
from this

to this....
this picture from 1 month ago

this one from last week.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:26:06 GMT

omg THIS WEEKEND!

friday. well. Because I can NOT be sober at a damn club (margarita jones)... My bff got locked up. WHen she didn't do anything by the way. because of that I socked my cousin's boyfriend and told my cousinnnnnnnn "to get the FUCKKKK OFFFFFF ME " she has never seen me like that. I don't remember getting out the club.. but anyway
BECAUSE OF THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE GOT CHASED AROUND BY A BLACK HONDA WITH GUNS!!!!!!!! I hardly remember, I just remember knowing that there were guns around and I rannnnnnnnnnnn to the car.. and I kept on hearing the tires screeching. I also remember the cops stoping us.. but being nice to us. the next day it was all a blurr.

then I realizeddddd for some odd reason.. that Monet was in jail. Even though i hardly remember. then i remember being chased by guns so I ran to my mom and she wasn't home... 2 seconds later I see monet walking innnnn and my mom behind her. I was about to cryyy. Maybe because we were still a lil tipsy. I figured that because we were dancing to PUNTA in my room afterwards and Kept on singing the 123 punta by guiriga impacto.. "1 2 3.. 4 5 6 7 8 .. 123 123 123 123" I love her =( but anyway apparently monet had been calling my house at 3am 4am 5am from jail. so my mom went to go pick her up once the cop talked to my MOMMA. Thank god monet is like one of the family because if it was to be somebody else... SHE WOULD have hung up on her face. Monet told me that my mom hugged her once monet got outta jail. HOW SWEET!

then saturday night we decided to go clubbing. I mean WHAT STOPS ME.. I don't think anything. but anyway we go to la boom. wE SEE adrian and we are TOTALLY SOBER. We seen girls making a scene and we wondered to ourself.. more like we said to ourselves.. "dude that's totally us when we are drunks" but they weren't bad scenes they just looked lke they were having fun dancing in circles around guys and dancing on top of the chair.. heh heh that was me 2 weeks ago.

sunday it was el morritos' birthday party and me, monet, my cousin, and him (oscar) were dancing in the middle of the street to reggaeton and cumbias.. and to uhh.. whatever they were playing..
it was fun. we had to be therapists to oscar cuz he was being a lil weenie.

and monday all myyyyyyy family and "monet" went to venice beach. we drank sparks but it wasn't the same. HAHA! I rather drink at a club. and dance.

it adds up!

now. I am scared. I am late.

NO MORE PICTRES

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 01:22:05 GMT

Someone stole my fucken camera from my own roooooom! wHAT THE FUCK? I mean I can't even leave anything in my room. I wasn't even homeeeee when they stole it. I wasn't even HERE.. I didn't bring none of my friends.
ugh! i hate people who steal!

whyyyyyyyyy always me!!!!
haha
okay i am dramatic.

anyway I am going ot go clubbing today. Like I always do. lol.
Dude i get tooo drunk and the next day all these random guys are calling me.. I am like ??? you are MARIO RIGHT? and they are like uhh no I am "edwin". I dance with random guys and give them my number and the next day I am confused.
I need to stop drinking so much. or at least eatttt before I start drinking,
Its like I found a newwww way of living. lol
and these guys think I am simple and nice because I am a "estaunidense" or "american" and I don't look at them down and talk to them. Then they fall in love with me. The first day they meet me they are like "you are the nicest person everrrr i love the way you talk. you have a sexy voice" ITS LIKE uhh "I've heard it beeeeeeeeeefore" HAHA i am so seroius not trying to sound conceited but all the guys and even people at work tell me I have a sexy voice. wtf? and some guy when i was 14 years old told me I had a sexy voice. I don't know from where. Maybe I should work at one of those 1800 numbers.. HAHA!

oh yah my camping trip! welllllll. it was cool at the beginning. Carlos and I spent the night at my aunt susana's house. the following day we went to the lake and spent the night there in a tent. It would have been cool if we were going out and loved each other.. cuz just being friends it was real fun <333 but like I said if we loved each other I could already imagine. But the last day on sunday when el morrito came and he was all jealous cuz I was with carlos.. carlos started acting like a dick. He told me he didn' tlike me no more and the reason he had broken up with me was because he had started talking to his ex girlfriend from 3 years agooooooooooo that he went out with FOR 8 YEARSSSSSSSS had asked him for another chance and he wanted to work things out with her and if they didn't that maybe we could be something else in the future. WHHHHHAT THE FUCK? I am not going to wait for him!!!. Who does he think I am. then I was reallll mad. but I decided to never talk to him again. and I did.. i haven't. well actually he called me the other day and i hung up on him. monet adrian style. LOVE IT!

but it was fun! except towards the end. oh and he said "addy what do you see in me?" and i said "uhhh right now nothingggg! i am mad at you and i don't see anything. you are an asshole"
haha and he said "i don't know what i did but i deserve it...." uhh.. duh! I am nobody's bitch!

oh and I had a dream about kalsjdf yrwqajkbvb sfoh and I feel weird now. I haven't dreamt about him in a longgggggg time.

my new friends from work make my time go by faster.. I like my new team.
they go to the movies almost every tuesday and to eat somewhere.. and they go out together on weekends.. and some girl likes clubbing and she wants to go with me she said .. I am too good to be true that i don't get mad for anything.. everyone at work thinks i don't get mad.. haha
IF THEY ONLY KNEW. Tsk Tsk.
I like sparks.
oh and the other day... i died
i can't drink tequila straight no more I had to throw it all out at la boom. and I wasn't even drunk yet. :-/

best friends forever..
Monet: i only have 60$ to party fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Monet: i hate being broke addy
Addy: I'm yr bff I have $$ for us! That's why we r bff
Monet: Hahahaha. <3

Margarita Joneeeeeees tonight!
I want to take a picture so everyone could see how SLUTTY I DRESSS... how differentttttttttt

LIfe

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 05:31:11 GMT

okay.
I was thinking. Its only august.. a little over half a year.
I have been through all these cracked out situations.

I had dated a 30 year old. who by the way is still in love with me. Asking me to marry him. YUCK!
I started clubbing at "REGGAETONY CLUBS".
I wear JEWELRY and not the one on my face! I mean JLO EARRINGS AND NECKLACES.
I have gotten in cars with strangers. Because of this i've met so many WEIRD AND cool people. and HAD UHHH. i rather not say.. but yah.
I've hit my friends' boyfriends. Had friends and "broke up" with them because they are stupid ass bitches.
I've had 209384092384092834092384 million boyfriends. I hardly remember their names.
I changed my number because I dont' want to talk to CERTAIN people.
I TRIED ECSTASY. I smoked weed, (I mean i have before but.. whatever..) I smoked crack. Shrooms!
I don't even want to mention the restttttttttttttttt! #
monet you know what I am talking about
and its justtttttt AUGUST!
I met HAIRAM! haha I GOT PICKED up by her and went to the club where I saw my ex! because of her (she isn't the blame.. but..) mine and Bryan's relationship went to shit. More like his infidelities.. and because of herrrrrrrrr I got back with my now ex CARLOS. HOTT.. She made it up for me. which was GREATTTT cuz.. I am not going to say why.
oh and also I GOT EMBARASSING PICTURES OF ME IN A HOT TUB WITH SOME GUY! haha. neverrrrrrrrrr are to be seen by people! i swear. I felt like I was in the "REAL WORLD"
I went to a swingers house!
I seen people having orgiess everywhere! well that actually happened since january 1st! BLEH!

I wonder what's gonna happen inbetween today! and DECEMBER!

I've met soooooooo many damn people. and I love it!

This weekend I am going camping. with Carlitos. <333
like I said I broike up with him because I had already cheated. I felt bad. but This weekend.. On monday I got picked up by "LUIS" (f.y.i. I thought his name was joseeeeeee but when he picked me up he was like my name is luis) i've been talking to him since lastttttttt year and I made him pick me up and take me to Carlos house and not only that but BRING ME SOME SPARKS.
god I am such a fucken bitch!

anyway so yah i went to carlitos house and it was fun. he told me nice things I wanted to hear.
like any other girl. I hope i have fun camping with him. i've never been camping and I am happy that its gonna be with him. sorrrrrrrrrtt of! ahha

or am i?
anyway i am going to sleep,
I work from 5am to 1pm starting monday. WEEKENDS OFF. I demoted myself. I am no longer a supervisor but a regular team member because I get paid 50 CENTS more if i get demoted.. how fucken bad is that?

STOP COMING TO MYYYYYYYY TERRITORY!

last weeks picture.
me and hottie louie baby.. ♥ I seriously believe he is one of my good GUY friends.

sorry carlitos.

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 06:58:18 GMT

don'tttttttttt everrrrrrrrr videotape yrself with yr bf's or gf's camera.. saying i love you.. and looking retarded.. then a week or two later break up with her/him because.. things like this happen..

mUAHAH!

yes this is my ex boyfriend.. that just called me like a second ago. idiot!

PUBLIC ENTRY

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 03:59:29 GMT

I have uhh is it called strip throat? whatever.
I am drooling like a baby. or like someone in a coma.
I don't even wanna swallow anything, I am super thirsty, but I can't even drink water. it hurts too much.

I am excited about school, I am not confused no more. YAY!
I am more determined than anything.

I wanna quit my job!
why am I such a procastinator?
At work. I am having fun still with "martian baby". Joarcy moved to Miami, Florida.. he said he needed to get away from me because he couldn't bear seeing me with another person.. carlos... Oh and Carlos. the salvi. We broke up. But like Bernadine said "OH SHUT UP ADUHLEAN! YOU'LL GET OVER IT BY TOMORROW.. YOU ALWAYS DO! YOU NEVER GET SAD FOR ANYTHING". and OMG its true! I don't think I was meant for relationships.

like this bitch monet once said.. "BITCH YR STUBBORN!! I TRY AND U TRY AND UR ASS IS ASEXUAL, AND DON'T LISTEN! U WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS AND SOMETIMES THEY DON'T END UP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT YOURS! I LEARNED THAT ADDY 'WE ARE YOUNG LOVE REVOLUTIONIST. TOO YOUNG FOR LOVE!!!!!' " well not exactly.. WE ONLY understand each other. we aren't literal.

kk i am going to go to sleep already and drool all over my pillow with this strip throat. =(

and don't call me on a weekday to go drink! I DON'T DRINK DURING THE WEEKDAYS!
I only drink FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS.. well I am only available those days. I am not THAT much of a partier. people confuse that.. I go to work everyday.. (okay okay i call out sometimes) and go to school.. I HAVE a GOAL to transfer.. I PAY MY BILLS on time.. .. and i just party on the weekends. Don't confuse me with a PARTY ANIMAL that doesn't care about people's feelings. UGH! people are so ignorant at times. haha! k
I woke up from my coma! I was hypnotize with "WANNA BE LOVE"

p.s.
I REALLY DID TRY! I was falling for it but I guess I am too much of a bitch to handle. oops!

p.s.s.
ON SATURDAY NIGHT.. maybe early sunday morning.. Sam fell asleep on the wheel and we almost crashed ON THE FREEWAY! Ivy was sleeping.. and sam was too. i was in the back seat.. like.. ???????? WHAT THE HELL? why is he switching to the carpool lane.. then I saw him switching to the lane to the carpool lane.. which is not a carpool LANE!! and we almost hit the divider.. whatever its called.. from the two sides. OH MY GOD! I almost DIED!!!!

TAGGED BY DENISE

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 01:31:28 GMT

20 random facts about me.
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag people.
If you're tagged it's your turn.

1. I am who & what I am because of my childhood. There is always a context to the actions of people. I know who I am and it scares me.
2. My mom is a computer addict.
3. I think everyone is lame and boring (literally). I hang out with a selected few. I can't hang out with MOST girls because they bore me. They are easy to manipulate and it pisses me off. Or just the total opposite, girls who want to manipulate and control other people because they can't control their lives.
4. I have a good relationship with my mom but with my dad.. eh. things COULD get rough.
5. I DISLIKE people who SMOKE, do any type of drugs, and well, people who are just complete losers that are stuck in one place and/or age.
6. I love to read self help books.
7. I DO NOT like politics, it is like an unknown term for me. they put me to sleep.
8. I love to dance the night away.
9. I am a mistrusting person. I have problems with trust. (I took a hostility inventory, that's how I know)
10. I am scared to drive a car. I am paranoid more than half of the time.
11. I have a phobia.... PUBLIC SPEAKING. But hey its the most common phobia. I've dropped so many classes because the first day you have to introduce yourself in front of the class, therefore I just get up and leave in the middle of the class.
12. I am with my EXTENDED family every sunday. I love to be with them.
13. I have an attitude and I just snap A LOT of the times. I am also a smart ass, SARCASTIC, and I can't help it. oh and yeah I think I am bipolar.
14. I love to listen to people's problems.
15. I am in love with my one and only. and its not letting me love no one else. Therefore I am not happy.
16. It is weird to say this, but... I want to be a homicide detective later in my life. THanks to "The First 48"
17. I am polite NOT fake. If I don't like you I'll smile and say hi but I WON'T hang out with you or look for you to hang out.
18. I am the biggest liar and I could think of a lie in a less than a second. and I stick to it. I sometimes lie so much that I even believe the lie is true.
19. I understand people when they use strong vocabulary but I can't speak it myself.
20. I want to be a mom. SOON.

I tag everyone on my friends list

anyway. I went out clubbing again.
I am such a bitch. or uhh.. I just really don't care.
I went with JRC and half ways through the night I was dancing and giving my # out to another guy while JRC watched me with a rose in his hands. ugh! I can't help it if guys hit on me (hjahaha who do i sound like zoe!!!) jk jhk jk jk i was kidddingggg. Poor thing. I treat him like shit.
and why is it that people who I go out with are either.. MARRIED or have kids! ahhhh.
fuck. I am married but only through livewed.com ahahah. geeze.
oh and jrc's cousin likes me. HAAAAAAAAA! they are all fighting for me. jk.
I had fun though. I am already broke.
I want to buy a laptop. Fuck the road trip to tennesee. or to the mountains up north.

my gf is pregnant. again.

I AM HAVING PRANK CALLS again.
i don't understand. Why does he call me? I mean. He wanted us to be over with. Why is he still calling me? I told him that I forgive him. Isn't that enough?
I am at the greatest point of my life and there he goes calling me again. and then I go to my lowest point.
I am consideringgg the phone # change... but IDK.